From as early as six, standing before a crowd in my preschool graduation ceremony, I felt triumphant seizing the spotlight. Clutching the microphone in my tiny, sweaty hands for over an hour, I introduced guest speakers, unveiled presentations, and performed nursery rhymes myself – earning praises from the audience.
This early brush with applause sparked a life filled with opportunities, and I eagerly embraced every chance – from hosting events to joining pageants, quiz bees, and speech competitions. With each success, I grew comfortable in my skills, reveling in the nurturing stability of my hometown, Ozamis City.
Then came my acceptance into UP, an institution renowned for honor and excellence. I thought to myself, “This is where I belong, where I can truly shine.” Instead, I found myself asking: “Do I truly deserve to be here?”
Self-doubt bore heavily on me, infiltrating every aspect of my academic journey. Each time I completed a test, an inner voice would hastily predict failure, ignoring all signs of success. Even if I had indeed passed a test, I’d attribute it to luck, dismissing my own abilities. This constant self-doubt followed me everywhere, fueling a nagging suspicion that I had somehow misled others into thinking I belonged.
I had no idea that I was grappling with a common, yet often overlooked phenomenon – impostor syndrome. It was only when I opened up to my older sister, a UP Cebu alumna, that I began to understand what was really going on.
Impostor Phenomenon, first described in 1978 by Suzanne Imes, PhD, and Pauline Rose Clance, PhD, encapsulates the pervasive psychological experience of feeling intellectually and professionally fraudulent. Commonly known as impostor syndrome, fraud syndrome, impostorism, or perceived fraudulence, it encompasses individuals who undervalue their abilities, living in perpetual fear of being exposed as impostors.
Although not an officially recognized diagnosis in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), experts acknowledge the Impostor Phenomenon as a genuine and specific form of intellectual self-doubt.
Increasingly recognized in high-pressure academic and workplace environments, this phenomenon thrives within complex social constructs nurtured by educational institutions, from undergrad to professional levels. It’s no surprise, then, that this silent struggle is prevalent among UP Cebu students, where there is an unspoken bond over this shared experience.
Ms. Emily Torrevillas-Lauglaug, a guidance counselor at UP Cebu, attributes this to the pressures associated with being part of an institution where all students were high achievers in their previous schools.
Kamilah Quisha Montalban, a first year BA Comm student, connects with this narrative. She conveys how the mere fact of being in UP Cebu can ignite impostor syndrome, explaining, “Back at home, I was known for being articulate and skilled at impromptu speaking. But at UP, when I see these (brilliant) people, I go like ‘Ooh, they’re so smart’ and I start doubting myself.” In an environment committed to excellence and shaping future leaders, the weight of unmet expectations, combined with external pressures from parents, can contribute to the emergence of impostor syndrome.
According to researchers, individuals grappling with feelings of being impostors often grow up in families that place heavy emphasis on achievements. Children whose parents alternate between praise and criticism can be more susceptible to experiencing fraudulent sentiments in the future.
Dorothy Shane Pradas opens up about her experience, saying that much of the doubt and inner criticism she experiences stem from her parents. Shane says that she’s not particularly concerned about what other people say. It’s specifically her parents’ opinions that affect her, she says.
The societal pressure to succeed, especially in competitive environments like prestigious universities, can further intensify this psychological experience. Anya Montilla, a fellow UP Cebu student, shares, “I used to think I was smart, but then you meet people who are even smarter.”
The impostor syndrome appears to be particularly prevalent among individuals embarking on new ventures, such as students in their first year of college. Yet, it’s important to remember that this phenomenon can extend beyond and impact even graduating students. Karl Gilbert Mayores, a fourth-year student pursuing a BS in Biology, shares his personal experience. He admits, “Yes. I feel the impostor phenomenon a lot of times, particularly with org work and when I was a councilor in the student council. With the upcoming intramurals, all the planning and looking for participants, it all feels like I’m not doing enough. It feels like someone could do a better job.”
Quisha, like myself, frequently finds herself attributing her achievements to external factors such as luck. “When you get really high scores on exams, you get a fleeting sense of relief, but it’s temporary. I don’t credit myself enough for it because maybe I just got lucky, or perhaps it was just an easy task this time,” Quisha said.
Meanwhile, Karl, opens up about his fear of not meeting perceived expectations. “People expected something out of me; that’s why I was chosen to become one of the (student) councilors. But I often felt guilt-ridden. There was even a time when I struggled to fulfill my responsibilities,” he shares.
Ms. Emily, the guidance counselor, highlights the importance of self-assessment while warning against the constant grip of impostorism. She says, “While it is a good thing to assess what we can and cannot do, as it is a way of gauging our strengths and weaknesses, constantly succumbing to impostorism can become detrimental. It may lead individuals to pass up opportunities for exploration and personal growth.”
Anya echoes these sentiments, revealing the immense pressure associated with being a student at UP. She shares, “People expect you to be intelligent because you’re from UP. Actually, during the first semester, that was my major worry. I kept telling my mom, ‘Mom, I want to transfer because I don’t like the school, they make me feel like I’m not smart enough.’”
Personally, the biggest loss I’ve suffered in being caught in the cycle of impostor syndrome is the missed opportunities and experiences that I have foregone. The fear of being unmasked as a fraud has overridden my desire to learn, resulting in a multitude of untapped possibilities. From club memberships to rediscovering old passions, there was a wealth of experiences I could have embraced throughout the school year.
The silent struggle of the impostor phenomenon continues to plague the brilliant minds of students and professionals alike in UP Cebu. Thankfully, there are valuable strategies and enlightening insights shared by Ms. Emily and fellow students that can assist UP Cebu students in gradually breaking free from this cycle of self-doubt, empowering them to thrive in their academic pursuits.
𝟭. 𝗗𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗹𝗼𝗽 𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳-𝗮𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗲𝗻𝗲𝘀𝘀. While healthy doubt keeps us grounded, it is crucial to recognize our strengths and weaknesses, enabling us to confront doubts head-on and reaffirm our capabilities. Karl advises, “Know your capabilities and hold on to that. People just don’t come at you randomly without seeing something in you.” Recognizing that these feelings of impostorism are merely emotions also helps to mitigate their impact and maintain a balanced perspective.
𝟮. 𝗦𝗵𝗶𝗳𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝗮 𝗺𝗶𝗻𝗱𝘀𝗲𝘁 𝗼𝗳 𝗴𝗿𝗼𝘄𝘁𝗵. Quisha encourages embracing failure as a catalyst for personal growth, stating, “I also changed my mindset. When you’re surrounded with smart people, smarter than you, it’s a blessing because you can learn so much from them.” It helps to shift one’s focus from seeking perfection to embracing the joy of learning.
𝟯. 𝗖𝘂𝗹𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳-𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗽𝗮𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻. Remind yourself that self-doubt is a common experience and does not define your worth or abilities. As Shane reminds, “I think that we should just be more patient with ourselves. Be kinder to ourselves.”
𝟰. 𝗥𝗲𝗺𝗲𝗺𝗯𝗲𝗿 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗱𝗼 𝘄𝗲𝗹𝗹. Anya highlights, “I’ve met a lot of people and I find out they also have weaknesses, that they’re not smart in everything. I realized that maybe I’m also like that, maybe I am smart at some things and not at others. I realized that it’s not bad to be not good at everything.” Personally, I recommend making a list of the things you’re truly good at and of the areas that might need work. This can help you recognize where you’re doing well and where there’s room for improvement.
𝟱. 𝗧𝗮𝗹𝗸 𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝗼𝗺𝗲𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝘄𝗵𝗼 𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝗵𝗲𝗹𝗽. Impostor feelings can be overwhelming, often leaving individuals unaware that there are alternative ways of living and thinking. Clinical psychologist Suzanne Imes, PhD, in her seminal work about impostor phenomenon, says, “They don’t have any idea it’s possible not to feel so anxious and fearful all the time.” Fortunately, UP Cebu offers free counseling services for students, offering a safe space for them to express their concerns, address negative thought patterns, and develop a more positive mindset.
On May 5, 2023, I made a move in overcoming my impostor cycle at UP Cebu. I seized the opportunity to represent UP Cebu in the highly competitive CESAFI Oratorical Contest. Despite the doubts that flooded my mind, I persevered, determined to face my fears head-on. The nagging voice of impostorism whispered, suggesting others could have represented the school better. But I refused to let it hinder my progress. I competed against representatives from renowned institutions. As the competition unfolded, I found myself immersed in the power of my message.
Even after this accomplishment, the voice of impostorism still lingered, undermining my achievement. But this time, I chose not to succumb to its influence. I found solace in knowing that my actions had freed me from the impostor cycle, enabling me to embrace the opportunity and perform at my best.
To all my fellow UPC students grappling with the impostor syndrome, together let us support one another, celebrate our accomplishments, and defy the grip of impostorism that seeks to hold us back. Remember, even though the struggle may be silent, you are not alone in facing it.
[Photo shows the writer with her coach, CCAD Instructor Dominic Yasay.]